he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
