Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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