I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
