It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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