I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
