i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
