He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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