i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
