Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
