He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
