We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
