The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
