I will die if light touches me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
