hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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