she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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