Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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