just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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