I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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