I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
