I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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