the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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