I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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