I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
