I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
