I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
