his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
