god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
