would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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