I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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