You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
