he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
