She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
