I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
