you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
