After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Randomize
