why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
