omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I believe in your delicious
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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