me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
