I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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