he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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