then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
