so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
