started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
