matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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