Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
