sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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