are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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