I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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