Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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