Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
