So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
