So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
