I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
