Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
