are you so shy because you have an std?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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