I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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