know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
