Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
